Sometimes it feels like the Naked Truth says one thing today and then back pedals another, personally, I like to think of it as being able to convey and speak from different perspectives. We aim to bring you different truths In our own words. We never expect you to agree with them, but we like to engage and spark conversations, because we believe it makes us all better individuals.
In the quest to foster these discussions, I have decided to start a new thread entitled #TNT #ConversationsWithRudi. Rudi is one of my most trusted people, (helps that he is also my cousin) but really, what it is, is that he and I are able to freely talk about anything and bounce ideas off each other. This thread may feel often like an insider conversation but essentially relives his thoughts (appearing in bold; disclaimer: only the paragraphs or phrases in BOLD are ‘explicitly’ his, I would hate to attribute things he may not think to him), My responses to him, and often my own views and thoughts are everything else – it is basically a flourished re-transcription of our talks.
For this first post, I opted to go with the key ingredients for a relationship (I like to think, a successful one at that). These thoughts are often based on our own experiences, readings and exchanges with various people and ourselves.
These are the ingredients we have come up with, which are in no way a manual set in stone. Both parties should ideally adhere to this, as a one-sided balance of power may topple things in a whole different direction.
- Self-awareness – knowing what you are good and not good at. What’s important to you, your values and who you are Rudi seems to believe that you must understand who you are to know where you are going. And I have to agree with him. This exercise in self-awareness I believe is a solid foundation for your values, expectations and eventually your tolerance on a whole myriad of issues. It plays a critical role in defining who you are and what you want. A very much younger version of me once got into a relationship because I (thought) needed someone (at my side) [stupid decision in retrospect] but from that relationship, I quickly learned that unless I already know what I want and who I am, chances are I will always sway with the wind… it was an arduous few months of trying to be someone I was not, and always trying to please the other. You are only effective and instrumental to the relationship when you know.
- Relentless desire to communicate – desire to always share what’s on your mind, good or bad . People shouldn’t be guessing Personally, I struggle with this the most, maybe because In the past I have trusted and been hurt, I have given much and received very little in return [although we must give without expecting to receive]. But, I do see where Rudi is coming from. You have to build the relationship on utter trust and that involves showing yourself both in the good and bad light. But it goes beyond trust, it is really a question of sharing, sharing your lives. Ultimately, your other half, should never be left guessing or wondering what could have, should have or isn’t. In a not so distant past, I was faced with this and unfortunately I did not handle it well. When your partner, the person you aspire to be with finds out things on their own, they feel they could have heard from you, a broken link entrusts. This is a tough one, I like to think, however, that this is something that can be worked on, it may not happen overnight. Everyone doesn’t always have that incline, and this is where patience must best be exercised. As a relationship begins and grows, the learning curve also grows. The relentless desire to communicate will always prove to help to overcome those many barriers you face.
- A natural desire to learn about the other persons’ interests and desires. This one goes without saying I think, but, must be reiterated. The key word here is natural. IT must not be a chore, coerced or rehearsed. And as the relationship grows I think it becomes easier and even more necessary. To take an interest in the other is one of the purest and easiest forms of affection. This may often mean putting the other person above you. It may also mean recognizing and understanding you do not have the same triggers and that could be cause for misunderstanding, but it essentially comes full circle as it means learning to know the other, sometimes even better than yourself.
Chances are if you are reading this, we hope you’ve got it right and that we have too. And if you don’t perhaps you learned the hard way like some us, no matter, just hit the reset button and learn to work on those things you may be inadequate in. These are simply our thoughts. It won’t always be easy, but we agree that if a person (as two individuals in the relationship) makes the conscious effort, there is no stopping the success of the relationship. Nota bene: I did mention to Rudi however, that I believe that relationships are based about 80% on luck… this is to say that if something was not meant to be, no amount of salt and all the above will change much (I am a realist like that lol). I’m curious to hear from the #TNT family, what are your ingredients and how have they influenced your relationships? Join us in the conversation #TNT #ConversationsWithRudi