This started as an Ode to Cameroun, before this, there was “The way you make me feel” – read it here
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever? Tell me have you ever? I certainly have and as I walked into your arms I knew I had never forgotten your love. No matter how much I tried; some say 3 years, I say ten years since I had been embraced by your warm, humid caress. There was no denying, I was truly home.
Do you know how it feels to see the one you love again after so many years? To see their face? To have your temperature rising, palpitations, eyes roaming… Trying to rediscover every inch of them with your weary eyes and see if they still have wounds in the same places? Dreaming of touching and feeling to see just how much they have changed, expecting them to be the same; yet hoping they have matured.
Do you remember how it felt? How your heart raced and your smile appeared without hesitation? How your voice became a little bit softer and your eyes smaller; as you tried to seduce them? Do you remember the conversations? And the late nights? The fights? And the I don’t care attitude? Do you remember the things that made you say: “I love you”? Do you remember their face? their touch? Their words? Do you?
I know how I felt when I saw you again. But I couldn’t ignore those things that just hadn’t seemed to change. Ten years and yet there was no real progress. Yes you drank more, ate more and danced more, BUT, you were just as untidy and your family often uninviting. Some thing always reminded me that I had been away so long. Some parts of you I hardly recognized and others well, I had hoped had grown. Your embrace was just as warm, but a little voice kept telling me something wasn’t right.
Disappointment is a nasty thing. You had seduced so many others before me and they were singing your praises. I knew I was back, and I figured I would sing your praises too I, however couldn’t bring myself to do same. Because too often I thought it was because I had experienced others, because I had seen just how great you could be, and yet you were not realizing even half of your potential. See, those other people my parents had chosen to introduce me to when they whisked me away were years ahead of you, while you were still struggling with the minimum. Still relying on your grace and magnificence from 20, even 30 years back; when truly you should have been building on those things for greater tomorrow.
See I don’t entirely blame you. I blame me, I blame my brothers and my sisters; I even blame my parents. For I strongly think everyone shares a part of the blame. My parents did their part, but didn’t leave the necessary resources for us to take over. My brothers well, there are those who chose not to support you and those well who took full advantage of you, not thinking that they could leave some for others. And my sisters, well, they were too busy trying to make it on their own elsewhere, to see that you were slowly dying.
It is true that people come (& go) for a reason, sometimes for a season. I was happy to play the role of the band aid that lasted long enough to heal that wound. To be your unconditional lover. I have given you all the love that I can muster in my twenty seven years of existence. I have made excuses for you and I have accepted your shortcomings, I will never stop loving you, but the time has come for you to fly & soar, your destiny awaits . You have potential like no other, and I will stand here until your realize it…. So that hand in hand we can be GREAT together again.
You can read, the next chapter in this series here: I fell in love…