9 months. Condoms. Birth Control. Abortion. Raising children. Topics people in relationships face at some point or another. Often, they shy away from the issue at hand. We all know women are always going on about that biological clocks, even if you do have some women who are determined and think that having children is not for them. One thing is for sure, child baring is only attributed to the female genre and men will never understand the complexity or the changes the body goes through or that urge to carry around that “excess” weight for nine months. Just like women will never understand…what ever it is men think we don’t understand. I do not have any children (I have thought of it and sometimes feel like am not particularly ready) but I also know that sometimes, its not the type of thing that is always planned for. In some cases, it is a ‘fortunate’ accident, for others it is a plan within a plan. As far as am concerned, a new life is always a blessing (in disguise) and the challenges it brings can either make or break you. Shout out to the wonderful mothers and the responsible dads.
In this “men in my life” series, I want to talk about some pregnancy scare scenarios and how everyone deals with it in their own crazy little world. Again the men in my life have helped me see and understand that not all men are made for all situations. Unlike other Men in my life stories; these are amalgamations of various scenarios in my life and the life of those close to me
The ME Guy: Me, me, me
When I started dating Tyron, he was all about “me, me, me”. Our relationship revolved around his world. I was caring, you gotta give me that; because not once did I ever question his ego-centric nature. I mean, I was just happy being with him. It was always about what HE was going to eat, when HE was going to go out, how HE was going to deal with this or that issue, looking back am not even sure what made me stay (perhaps the fear of being alone)… So when I first realised that I could be pregnant; I didn’t quite know what to do. I wondered if telling him was cautious? I didn’t want to be rejected but I sure as hell did not want to go through it on my own. I debated a full week, and was too scared to take a pregnancy test. One day while he was out of town, we were talking on the phone; I figured I would tell him, and if he reacted weirdly; I would just lead with “its a joke”. As I dialled his number, I went to a quiet demeanour, he quickly uncovered something was wrong. He kept on asking, “what’s up girl?” I let it drag a little for better effect.
Me: Baby… Am…pregnant.
Him: …
Me: Babe? Did you hear me?
Him: What do you want to do?
Me: I don’t know. I only just found out…
Him: I don’t know if this is a joke…
Me: euh, what do you mean?
Him: am pretty sure we have been careful. Aren’t you on the pill?
Me: Yeah, but you know last month I was on antibiotics and the allergies and…
Him: Okay, but we can’t keep it. Have you looked into..
Me: what are you talking about?
Him: Listen. I am not ready for a child. My life barely makes sense right now (am really hoping this is one of your jokes)… I can hardly afford to take care of myself, where am I suppose to get money to take care of a baby?
Me:…
Him: Tell me. How are we suppose to make this work? I can’t do this….
I’ll spare you the remaining conversation. Me, me, me…. It was all about HIM. Do we give him Kudos for being straight up honest?
The Get Rid of it Guy
Me: Baby, I think am pregnant
Him: Get rid of it
Me:…
3 weeks later.
Me: We still haven’t talked about “the” situation
Him: What situation?
Me: The baby
Him: I thought I told you to get rid of it
A month later
Me: I have an ultra sound today
Him: WHAT?
Me: Well…
Him: Am leaving
Ok this a caricature of how things evolved and yes I had refused to get rid of it. He on the other hand thought I had, he left me. We never spoke again. I was never pregnant in the first place, I was simply testing him. I learnt a thing or two: he wasn’t cut out to handle difficult situations (with me). A year later his wife was pregnant with their first child.
The I love you but am not ready for a kid Guy
Peter and I were in love – we were talking marriage. In a conversation very early on in our relationship, he had made it clear that he did not want children (now). I had cringed at the thought, and figured that with all the love he was showering me with, we would revisit this whole issue later. As life would have it, only 7 months after that conversation, I found out I was 3 weeks pregnant. I was scared and did not know what to say to him. But the abscess had to be popped, so one evening, I went in for the kill”
Me: Baby…we gotta talk.
Peter: humm
Me: am pregnant
Peter:…
Me:…
Pater:… You know how I feel about it
Me:…. Yes, but, it has happened
Peter: Why weren’t you careful? Did you try to trick me?
Me: Don’t even play those games with me. You knew that 1. I was NOT on the pill, 2. you consciously chose to stop using condoms. Ergo OUR responsibility, don’t put it on me.
After minutes of arguing back and forth
Peter: Have you thought about an abortion?
Me: PETER! Don’t even think about it! I am way past my 30s, this is my 1st child, there is no way in heaven that I am getting rid of this child!
The fights got worse and Peter stopped seeing me. He refused to go to the doctors with me. 2 months in, a few weeks before the deadline to interrupt the pregnancy, he said to me:
Peter: Babe, you know I love you. But you also knew that I wasn’t ready for a baby. We should have been more careful. I love you, you know that, so…why don’t we do things the right way. Put a hold to this pregnancy. We can get married and then revisit this baby issue.
Its total confusion in my head right now. I don’t even know. Am at a loss of words.
The am ready to be a daddy Guy
This is one is so self explanatory. The day he heard I was pregnant, he became the over protective man that I now know today. Nothing was too little for me to do. He took care of everything.
The have a baby by me Guy
Him: Have a baby with me
Me:…blank face (in my head I know the relationship is going through so many rough patches)
Him: Am so in love with you, I want to have a baby with you
Me: Do you really think it is the best time?
Him: Of course, what better way to affirm the love we have for each other?
Months later…
Him: Why don’t you want to have a baby with me?
Me: Because I don’t particularly feel ready, and I don’t think you are ready
Him: What do you mean? I love you!
Months later, as life would have it, I was pregnant…
Me: (4 months in) We need to go to the doctors
Him: You know I don’t have time at the moment
A month later
Me; I have another appointment at the doctors today
Him: Hmmm okay, but do I need to be there?
We played this car and mouse game until I gave birth, and even on that day he came after the baby was born. When our son was about 7 months old, he started the whole I love you song, have a baby by me again… we are no longer together. He was convinced that loving me was enough to have a baby. as I suspected, once I had the kid, things drastically changed. Thank God I didn’t have the baby for him, it just happened that we weren’t careful enough, I knew the second one couldn’t come in such conditions.
It is what it is. And as crude and surreal as some scenarios may seem to others, believe that some women have truly and really seen wonders with the male gender. This is not to say that some men have not lived nightmares with women who choose not to keep babies and never tell their partners, like I said, a child is a blessing period. But judge I can not a person who makes a choicTell me about your baby daddies, what were their reactions when you said you were pregnant? Sharing is caring!
#TNT 